Drumpf is the original name of the Trump family. It’s German.
Somewhere along the line, the family decided to turn away from its name’s awkward Germanness. I’m pretty sure the Orange Fraud Felon Assaulting Liable-Liar isn’t going back to being a Drumpf, but he does seem to have some kind of attraction to Germany’s most famous mustache.
We’ll get to Herr Drumpf’s Nazi tendencies in a minute. But first, the hair. His Aryan hairspray combover is a telling echo of Herr Hitler’s ridiculous mustache. They both have their signature clownish head-fake.
Herr Drumpf’s hairspray combover is so precious to him that he refused to visit the graves of America’s fallen soldiers in France because it was drizzling. Why? Because the collapse of that head-fake would reveal the baldness below. How big is that patch? How much bare pink Aryan landscape would be getting wet and getting the Drumpfster on the front page of the New York Post? Boo-hoo.
But back to the Drumpf Kampf—the poor boy’s desperate fantasy grip on his favorite fascist and his MAGA struggle to regain his lost control. It’s mega-MAGA tyranny envy in full display. He’s so frustrated that he’s been castrated at the ballot box that sometimes he almost forgets to renew his hair spray. If only he could be Der Fuhrer. Boo-hoo.
When he’s regained his swastika crown, he wants generals like Herr Hitler’s. Even though they were terrible generals; they lost the war, for God’s sake; well, for Der Fuhrer’s sake. Meanwhile, OUR generals won that war. Don’t want generals like them?
He thinks the Kampfster’s generals obeyed their leader and that’s what he wants—obedience. Meanwhile, some of Hitler’s generals tried repeatedly to assassinate their leader. Does he want his generals to assassinate him and put him out of his tyranny envy misery?
Still, Herr Drumpf likes Herr Hitler bigly. There’s a guy who got people to do what he wanted. Can’t you see it:
Little kids in paramilitary Drumpf Youth uniforms on outings to hurl golden Bibles against the doors of the nearest Holocaust museum.
Septic tanks pouring over the borders of—well most of the NATO countries; but let’s start with Ukraine. Oh, and any peaceful Black Lives Matter demonstration.
Neighbors ratting out the sixteen-year-old girl next door to the sherif because they thought they saw a mifepristone delivery on their doorstep; gotta love those new binoculars.
Oh, the list of his torrid tyranny fantasies is long. Really long. Way longer than that ridiculous mustache. Way longer than that combover would last in a drizzle. MAGA-mega-long.